Having sex with a man and a woman is different, according to the bisexual men and women of Reddit. While of course there are the more obvious differences due to physical size and parts, there also seems to be other cultural and social factors that makes having sex with each gender a uniquely distinct and special experience.
The conversation started when Reddit user Rob-thaBlob posed the seemingly simple question: “Bisexuals of Reddit what are the differences between having sex with a male and a female?”
Within 24 hours, the thread has already amassed over 6,900 upvotes and 1,800 comments.
Both bi men and women flocked to discuss how interpersonal sexual dynamics change depending on who’s in your bed.
Let’s start with the bi guys:
Many bi men are the “tops” (insertive partner) with women, whereas they are “bottoms” (receptive partner) with men. This makes sense since in order to bottom with a woman, you need to get pegged (or digital penetration and sex toys works too)! Pegging or anal/prostate play on a man by a woman is unfortunately still considered kinky or taboo, whereas when you’re a man having sex with another man, that isn’t a kink—that’s just what sex is.
“I fuck girls and guys fuck me. Pretty much it tbh” wrote Willreid97.
It’s also a lot easier to hook up with guys, according to another Reddit user.
“For me it’s a lot like getting dinner,” wrote another bi man. “Sometimes I want a nice intimate night out with a diverse menu and great service (being with a woman) and sometimes I’m drunk, it’s 3am, and I just need to find a place that’s still open (being with a guy).”
Then there’s the matter of oral sex. There was a general consensus among bi men that guys are better at giving head than women.
“Gotta say in my experience guys are way better a blow jobs,” one male Reddit user wrote.
What was also interesting was that men seem to be much more enthusiastic about giving blowjobs. (This may also explain why guys are better at giving head. They enjoy it more.)
“You have to ask a girl to suck your dick but guys will ask to suck your dick,” another man wrote.
Here’s what the bi women had to say:
Overall, bi women tended to be more thorough in their responses than the guys, really breaking down the sexual dynamics between each gender.
“Women are less judgmental in my experience and both people cum in F/F,” evangel_online wrote. “With women it’s a ‘i like this,’ ‘Do you like this?’ ‘how does that feel baby?’ Thing and there’s no ‘am I taking too long to cum’ guilt. It’s an exploration. With men it’s more primal and straight forward ‘assume the position’ stuff.”
“Women tend to be more vocal and communicate what they want more, and tell you what they don’t like,” added another bi-identifying woman. “Men tend to just do whatever they want and you have to give them a firm no if you don’t like what they’re doing.”
Another commenter, Fang_Jolima, spoke specifically to the differences that come with strap-on sex.
“Generally speaking, sex F/F almost always contains oral. While it is not a rule, it does happen more often, IME. Also, strap-on sex is different, bc the Giver cannot actually feel the cock, and as such must rely on cues/body language to ensure their partner is being satisfied. Also, having no feeling in the strap on means she can be totally 💯 focused on her partner with no distractions, and also can fuck her longer and longer without worrying about ejaculation. So, yay F/F is awesome.”
She continued, “However,…all of those reasons are why M/F sex is great… because of the sharing of feeling and sensation. And oral can be done as often as partners like. And anyone can and SHOULD learn to read their partners body language. So, for me… lesbian sex means you take turns focusing on the other person almost exclusively, while hetero sex means you get to enjoy the sensations simultaneously or separately.”
SamuraiWisdom echoed Fang_Jolima’s comments, but she also added: “Everyone’s different, but in general: Men are about the ACT, women are about the CONTEXT.”
Romcommon really broke it down point by point:
1. Sex is generally shorter with men. Men are generally less into going down on you (although surprisingly not that different from women in terms of ability). Obviously there are exceptions to this. This is my biggest disappointment in having sex with men.
2. I’m a bit of a pillow princess and definitely a bottom, which is easier with men who tend to be more comfortable in a leading the action/top role.
3. It is easier to have sex all day with women. (But sex also generally takes longer with women).
4. Since being with women I’m more into finger banging overall – this is helpful if a guy has um difficulty in the boner department.
5. Greater likelihood of having an orgasm at the same time with men.
6. You have to warm up the dildo vs not needing to be concerned about the temp of a dick. Also the banging is more fluid (although this depends on a women’s experience with using a strap on).
7. You can choose the dick size and shape with women. No erectile issues to deal with. No need to ever stop.
8. Both genders can be selfish though so no difference there.
At the end of the day, Bustersprinkles3, a bi man, broke it down best, highlighting more of the similarities than the differences. He noted that it matters less on a person’s gender and more on that person as an individual.
“To be completely honest, I choose my romantic partners based on compatibility and spark. Some people just naturally have a spark, and it draws me to them,” he said. “I’ve had wild aggressive times with woman and sensual loving long lasting times with men and viceversa. While it is slightly different based on genitalia, the real difference is personality and chemistry between the partners.”