When it comes to the bedroom, plenty of people have a secret fantasy that they’re too nervous to share with their partner. But sometimes, a fantasy is best off staying just that. Women have been taking to a Reddit thread to share their experiences of trying out sexual scenarios that they thought would be hot, but which ultimately left them cold.
“Does role-playing count?” asked one woman, adding: “I can’t make it 5 minutes in without laughing. It feels like I’m starring in a really bad B-rated movie that went straight to DVD. Bless all actors and actresses, porn and all.” She’s not alone. “I don’t know how it can ever be serious,” reads a comment. “Coming from someone who has never tried it… I think I would turn red and mute, or die of laughter.” Another admitted: “Dirty talk in general always makes me giggle.”
Then there’s sex in the shower, which is nothing like how it’s shown in the movies. “I never knew you could be so dry… and wet at the same time,” joked one commenter, with another comparing the sensation rather unfavourably to “rubbing a wet balloon against your skin.” Another commenter issued the sage advice: “The shower is good for foreplay, leave the sex for a less slippery surface.” Judging from the volume of comments, baths and hot tubs are also no-go areas.
The reverse cowgirl position also left a few women disappointed, with one saying: “It does nothing for me. Sure, it gives him a great view, but I’m stuck looking at his feet!” Another said: “Reverse cowgirl has only ever resulted in accidentally hurting my dude and being anxious it’ll happen again.” (This isn’t exactly uncommon: medical professionals have seen plenty of fractured penises and swollen testicles as a result of things going awry when the girl is on top.)
The appeal of group sex is pretty self-evident (the more the merrier) but it can also become a bit of a logistical nightmare. “Too many limbs!” Said one woman. “I love threesomes but they’re exhausting,” said another, and a third admitted that her experience of threesomes is “definitely more awkward than it plays out in your mind before it actually happens.”
When it comes to spontaneous sex, it’s a lot easier for guys to get in the mood: “The quickie sounds hot and spontaneous, but really it’s usually rushed and uncomfortable, and it turns out I need a few minutes to get warmed up,” said one woman. “I feel like quickies only work if you’re already DYING to go,” commented another. “Like, it’s been building for a while and you’ve got to get fucked NOW or you’ll explode. Just doing it without any premeditation whatsoever is just… not fun at all.”
However, it turns out that maybe the quickie is something couples age into: “As a mom of 4 kids, the quickie is a freaking amazing,” one comment said. “It can be really satisfying after years of chemistry knowing those exact spot to hit it’s like putting in a cheat code to get an easy victory. For both me and my husband there is a tiny bit of pride in knowing we can make the other pop so quickly and we find it really sexy. Don’t give up on it forever!”